a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
That's how pantless uber rides happen
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
