Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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