I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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