walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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