we have officially lost it.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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