apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
