i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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