Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Randomize
