Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
