I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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