Can i not drive my cunt home
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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