i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
i drank out of a bidet.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Randomize
