Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
