My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
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