Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
