I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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