you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize