Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
