Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
