not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
We left an ass print on the piano.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize