i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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