you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
