my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Randomize
