she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
