end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize