I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Randomize
