careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
