proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
NoShamevember. You game?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
