okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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