I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
