Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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