ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
