I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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