one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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