I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
