You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
