He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Randomize
