Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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