Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
