Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
