i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I deserve this hangover.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize