Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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