carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Randomize
