i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
