I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
