you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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