Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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