He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
