evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I need water and some morals
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
