I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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