I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
