there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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