I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
