can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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