Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
After tacos, we're chasing women.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I would ride that face into the sunset
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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