God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Randomize
