O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
