Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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