i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
