i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
There's always time for handjobs
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
