I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
