I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
