i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Randomize
