Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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