im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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