Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
