I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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