I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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