Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
