Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
