im holly from the hills drunk
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
