dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
