i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
