I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
