Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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